Halycon Sage had been pouting and refusing to write since February, and it was now October. Not very productive! Of course this was only true in the timeline of the Alternate Universe and did not affect the small, continuously-name-changing town where he lived with his friends in the post-Apocalypse utopia. But still.
Sage was fussing about two things, distinct and different. (Yes, he knows that the last phrase of the previous sentence doesn’t really add much, but doesn’t it sound nice?) The first was that, due to a silly mess involving his eBook, his autobiography has not been available through regular channels for nine months. The problem was absolutely intractable. The internet, still working in the Alternate Universe, listed only four copies of the book, “from third-party sellers”: three slightly used for sixteen bucks and change, and one (new!) for $1,044.99.
[Editor: Halycon Sage is interrupted at this point by his imaginary author character, Karima Vargas Bushnell. “This is absolutely true, y’all! He’s not making it up!” she declares. Of course, since Ms. Bushnell herself is made up, it’s hard to know how to take this statement. Sage has now decided that, since no matter how hard he works it never leads to anything, he might as well forget it and go back to his abortive attempts to carve a horse out of wood.]
The second problem was far more serious. Sage’s long autobiography, of which he was so proud, unfortunately dealt in a light-hearted manner with the post-Change situation of vanished access to electricity, water and transportation. True, the cause was noble — the permanent prevention of nuclear wars and accidents — and it had been casually stated that Preisczech, the perpetrator, had engineered exceptions for hospitals and other situations of dire need. Further, the book dealt only with the little town of Dry Gulch, Desert Gulch, Dry Creek or whatever its name was this week, which was Sage’s way of ducking the issue. But none of this was enough.
The Alternate Universe, to which Sage now had complete access, was experiencing grid failure in Puerto Rico and other places, and there was nothing light-hearted about it! It was agony! Sage felt so guilty that if his book ever did become available again, he would immediately start apologizing for it.
Actually, the Squidren (super-intelligent, probably benevolent Alien Squid) could have instantly set his mind at rest, but why should they? They were busy with other things, and it would spoil the plot of the next book. And what is this plot? And who are these Squidren? Dear Reader, to find out, you must wait for the publication of Sage’s forthcoming second long novel, Squid! Forthcoming, that is, if he can ever pull out of his pout and get back to writing. Sage would very much like to post this Blog, but unfortunately his computer is not working, and he has deleted all of his passwords. So long for now, Pardners, and Happy Trails!