Dear Tabby,

I live in a three-cat household, and I’d like to speak of us objectively, not revealing which one is ME (OW). My question: Are cat beds a DRUG? If so, can they break up cat families, even though, in the moment, they are so soft and warm? So comfortable that . . . my friend, a small, adorable Gray Tabby who shall remain nameless can sleep in them all day even though I’m only two years old and should be up and playing?

The real problem is Bob . . . er, a large, elderly gentleman cat with lovely long fur and a sweet disposition. This Gentleman Cat has not been well, and the previously mentioned Tabby used to snuggle with him all the time, sometimes crammed together on the red-cloth-covered kitchen chair where we . . . they barely fit. Or on the bed. Or on the other bed. Is the gray cat neglecting him?? Will she live to regret this??? Tabby, please delete any names I may have let slip, because I want to preserve our privacy.

Puzzled

Dear Puzzled,

Put those cat beds AWAY! Then go and cuddle with your friend as much and as often as you can. He may not be here forever! Two further observations: First, I notice that you don’t mention the third cat. What part does he/she play in all this? Is she Orange? Is she from a Foreign Country? Is she really Beautiful and Interesting? Somehow, the scenario you describe sounds familiar. . . Remember, Only Cats Can Keep Cats Out of Cat Beds. Or something like that.

P.S. Oops. But no worries about privacy, Puzzled, few cats will see this as many are not on the internet, and only a few hundred thousand copies have been printed.